When I woke up this morning, my body felt like the cold wind, the solid earth and the lagging light slowly making it’s way into the sky – an hour or so later than I’d like it to. Instead of fighting my body’s internal yawn as it craved sinking back into the abyss of daydreams and darkness, I let go, and let my body have what it needed – time to rest.
However, the problem with that scenario, is my brain – always ready to go, up and excited to do something – anything that would feel like production that day. I say to myself “I have a long to-do list, lots of emails to write, clients to contact, a child to nurture, a house to clean, of course I can’t sleep any longer.” I get up. I’m sure you know, the list goes on and I know you all have a list to do yourself.
What a dilema. Rest OR productivity. If I don’t get going I know I’ll feel guilty – but I also know, that this time of year is an opportunity to pump the breaks and slow down.
So I tried something new (which is always fun in and of itself) I just did things slowly. When I had a thought, I took a long time to act on it so that my cold and tired body would catch up. Yes, the thoughts of going into town for hot yoga, shopping, errands, plus groceries and planning dinner that night…are all fun thoughts… but then also time to rest and read and do work…. and it’s also a Sunday – and before the thought is done, I’m tired and choose to stand still and stare out a window. I forgo the big trip to town (laughable that that’s a big trip) and I settle for buying food and, well, that’s just where I started.
As I’m walking through the isles of the unfamiliar Hannafords, I let my mind drift to the choreography I’m working on, the music I’m consumed with, my excitement for upcoming business ventures, and so much other exciting, creative and innovative work just on the horizon of tomorrow – Monday – and everyday after that if I choose, because that’s why I chose to start my own business – and run a company. So I had freedom, and the power to make decisions that best suited my life, and a way to deliver quality service to my clients – and at the end of the day, be able to feed my family. The sole proprietor’s dream.
In my daze I settle on a brand of quinoa and float back to the veggies to grab an item I forgot….a little more at peace because I remembered I’m doing good work in this world, but a little uneasy because I feel I have so far to go before Power Performance is really out there to the masses…
This is where one word comes to mind – HONOR. Today was a day to honor my body for teaching over 20 something hours of dance this week – 15 meetings, 9 hours training my interns, mom duties and precious time with family, lots of brainstorming with my amazing biz partner Lee Parent, and even time to get my butt whooped by my personal trainer Betsy Kingsly. I guess the point is that, instead of asking God for an eighth day to get all my work done, or instead of writing a to-do list that required 8 days in the week, I could just stop – for one day, and honor what I’ve done and get ready for the next week (and make sure my todo list only incorporated 6 days of work for next week.)
Back at my abode and satisfied with the food I purchased, I meander to the same window I stood in earlier. The sun is getting ready to set and this cold, still, Maine Sunday has slowly slipped by. With a nice deep breath as panic rises wanting me to fret for an unfinished TODO list, I review…..I did do work – but every moment I felt stress rise or the eagerness to “keep going” I just walked in a circle, did a few pull ups, sat on a couch and halfheartedly read a page of my book of the week, flipped through the Destination Wellness guide to review my adds, made gluten free cookies, thought hard about the best way to cut a mango, walked outside …and arrived back at my computer with an internal conversation about being gentle with myself that, yes, I have work to do that, no, I don’t have to finish right now and to just do the best that I can. Cause for today – this one 24 hours and the seventh day of our beautiful week on earth, I’m happy to be alive, running a company I’m proud of, and taking care of my family. This winter, I’m happy to be able to stop and review my gratitude list and regenerate…
…because come spring – there’s no stopping us dancers from bringing all of their energy and excitement to the stage and communities.